Sunday, November 26, 2006
The same day in the hols..
again, the same day in the hols.the sian kind.nothing to day when you wake up kind.
owell. woke up todae,on a wrong foot. missed church and got the scolding and stuff. slack, play ps and stuff..helped den pack her stuff, slacked and then packed my stuff at night. sian.hope that these sian days soon end..go out with ivan ,and gang the following week..i hope. anything to get out of this boring days..
anyways..LDC tomorro..followed by church camp..bryants gonna be dead when i come back man..
the necklace i bought for her.not wearing till i wear it for her. hope to wear it for her soon though..hope i do it right thought.heehee
sian.gtg le.mom nagging.haha.the ohter blog.of thoughts.out of bounds.haha.
*.[forever your piggy, bunny and what not].*
love ya!haha.
I went off at
11:52 PM
Saturday, November 25, 2006
another day in erm..the hols?SZP..woke up at like 6..but that hardly does it any justice.Actually.didnt really sleep..was up thinking of her the whole night. although i was messaging her at night.wanted to call her but parents were up at night couldnt call her.sian..missed her like seow. woke up then rushed out to cut my hair. woke up, eat two small pieces of egg, then brush teeth and rush out le. go there then cut hair. after that, came home,met her and erm.talked?then went home and saw gramps and grams
..saw daddy cooking and stuff. kope food(the usual hungry old me)haha.bath and slacked..msg and msg.played ps2.haha. DINNER! haha. slacked till now..playing com.well..the same old boring day in the hols. just like any other boring day..
love, vows and commitments. keep and abide by them, happily ever after is just an arms length away.is it not?
*.[tired, love sick and bored fat boy].*
foreva yours (random.i know.haha)
I went off at
9:43 PM
Friday, November 24, 2006
life, love, trust, vows and commitments
sigh..yesterday. mom and dad made the cold war look lie a cold extermination. mom came home and locked herself in her room for hours, allowing onli den inside. a few hours later. she came out with 2 pieces of paper. one stated that she would be leaving home and the other stated the things that she and daddy would be paying after she leaves. she also said that she wouldnt be fighting for our custody. is a divorce not conspicuous?sigh. dad was totally shaken. not surprised. den was even more shaken. she is onli 10, coming 11 and she is exposed to the harsh realities of life. the divorce of parents. she came to ask me about these things in life. why does this thing even exist? why must divorces take place? i was totally dumbfounded. she asked me questions that i myself could not answer. After a while, dad took refuge in food and m ps2, then going to work, burying his sorrows deep in the throngs of work. den came to daddy in the study, confiding in him what mommy told her. he was holding back his tears. could tell. i mean.hes my dad. been with him for 15 years. can tell right..was in my room and listening to the radio, then dad and den came into my room, planning the next course of action. they just kept on going on and on about what they could have done instead of turning to God. until i said lets pray. then we prayed for an hour(i think). the holy spirit touched me. not something that happens often. twice onli.then daddy broke into tears. then honey called. asked what happened..then she said should anyhting happen, run over to her place or call sum yee. my fear: den cannot tayke it and run off. dad slept in my room that night. was thinking..den should follow mummy, she can take care of den.better than daddy. no offense but mommy has a steady income and a den can lead a better life than with daddy. cus, daddys income is not steady. but the thing is that. den is real close to daddy. i would stick with dad cus i can help him and he wouldnt have to take care of me much cus am already 15?sigh. on thursday, tot i would bring den out so that her mind wont be too much on this, or do something that she enjoys with her. but when i woke up, she was like already happy, watching tv and stuff. then dad was like ok, but was buried work.After that, he was playing ps2. glad to see that the both of them were happy.mom came baq, status quo. den came outcrying again. comforted her and started talking bout this. then she jus started to talk bout drill. taught her. she picked it up real fast. proud or her*pats dens head*.then eveything was ok..ate and stuff..night came. watched tv with dad. prison break and without a trace.msging darling at the same time. after that, used commie to blog. thinking. if dad were not able to still give me as much money, would i still be able to keep my girl happie? spend enought time with her like i dod before? cus i have to take care of den. would i still be able to keep darling happie and beside me like before?i mean like, with roy and the other ppl jioing her.those guys jioing her would be way cooler, shuai and erm.better than me in all aspects?i mean..i am jus not really the guys in her school and stuff. duno la. the thing is.i hope she doesnt read this. cus if she does, i tio meh.for sure.sigh. would it be possible to keep her without hurting her? my dreams. i dont really like them. monday.the day of LDC. shes going out with roy. LDC pushed back till6. is it meaning something or am i thinking too much?my feelings arent really in my control right now. would i end up thinking funny? right now, my thoughts of her prom and her gg out is not really poisitve. sometimes, i really hate my imagination. if i were to pen my thoughts down, she would end up scolding me. my other blog. of thoughts. should be there.hmmm.well. just putting my faith in her like she wants me too. dont let me down baby. lost myself in you already.
baby.my love for you wont fail.never waiver. just praying hard that whats happening to my parents wont happen to us. it wont right?
+...[shaken boy]..+
yours forever baby..
I went off at
12:20 AM
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Fears and doubts
sigh.today and yesterday.got baq at onli 12.why? stupid ushering duty when i should be at JYC. the fellowship of my brothers and sisters in Christ. jus found out.Elisa hoping that my shadow is seen there. haha. updating at 3.why? up reflecting. bout life. bout her. bout me. bout everything.life. is it possible without love? without her?her. is it whole. will it heal with time? will our love stand strong? will it overcome the odds when it needs to or when they arrive? without a doubt, they will come. a matter of how and when. no matter what.i dont know. *sigh*. bout me. am i who i am? am i who i say i am? am i supposed to show my real self? the side which i have hidden. not the ones that i have told her? i really have no intention of showing it. bout pb.should i really continue? yea. sure i felt good when my prefects got complimented that their ushering was good. indefinitly, it is thanks to my courses. but is it really worth my time? the moment of happiness for an eternity of suffering in exchange? bout the company. should i lay back? my fear is coming true. seet ing hian. am i turning into him like zhen jie said? a light of salvation. i have fun and be firm at the same time. like whet the others said too. i am not really like him. i have fun when we are supposed to. when the shit hits the fan cus of that, i take the rap for my boys. when i am serious, i am. reflecting on the board camp. what khuhan said. is there a way. a soft approach which the council approached after the "revolution"?should i use the soft approach onli.no.it works with DISCIPLINED ppl. the ones who are supposed to be prefects. i can safely say even my bb boys and any uyo boy is more disciplined and commands more respect then our prefects. My love for bb. will it be my downfall? what my mom says. i am smittened to her. according to her "wisdom", it will be my downfall.leaving me hurt and in the "gallows". will that prophesy come true? i hope not. to have to hold and to give.my motto for her. can i keep to that? can i match up to her ex(s)? i fear not. not as mature as them. not as good as them. should my sweetheart read this, well.hope not.if she does..then..well.lets take things one step at a time then. all the things loming around me. work load, stress, bb, pb, her. how am i to keep her happi and satisfied while juggling with the rest? note that shes at the top of my list. how am i to do that? a higher power i will consult. my peers i shall consider. my juniors i shall confide. my baby i shall mask.but. will she be able to see me through?with the lame jokes coming out to let me dwell in my fantasy world to hide the truth.will she be able to see through that? will she analayze me like her lit text as she does to others? despite me being hers?will the fear of her leaving or cheating on me return once again? i have my reasons to believe that its back. with the revelations slowly inching in on me with every late night phone call. will the frail, weak and currently over worked me break down and request for a break with her?as in a pause and not break up? once again, i hope my baby does not read this.with the flu incubating in me. will i still be able to take it all? baby. please stay by me? be with me through out and not leave me?love me and care for me in your tender arms? you have no idea how much your arms around me mean to me. baby.dont leave me?
*fearful, shaken, sick, over-worked,stressed, tired and love sick boy to my sweet baby*
ps.i love you darling.*the randomness coming out*really cant do without you. that still stands?
I went off at
3:26 AM
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Goodbye wen jie...
its really hard to say goodbye know..especially to a person whom you watched grow up int he board. suddenly, he announces that hes leaving for another school next year. *sigh* tan wen jie. i taught you the things you needed to know. now, go on and soar boy. we all know that it sure is hard to say goodbye but we all know that you wold do beter in NJC.. when you told us that story, my heart really melted. it was the second time i shed tears for a guy.. when you told us tat you found your "real school" cus of school hopping, i felt happi for you. but you had to leave. it really pains me..cant bear to sotta lose a friend like you. definietly, i will remember all the times and things you shared with me man.today, irvin said that if he didnt make us tear in your farewwll "party" he failed. well, guess that the succeeded, didnt he? wen jie. you have really grwon in the board camp.l hope you remember the tings i taught you. they would help. realy help. sam's teachings too. oso. i would remember the way and things you taught me to say or use my english. during the camp, the way you handled dicipline. i really learnt a thing or two from you.thanks a million again bro.
I went off at
9:00 PM
