Saturday, December 16, 2006
sian..
today is..lets say just not my day. waking up not early, not late. about right. went for tution.physics. that was ok. not that bad. actually enjoyed it. learnt many new stuff..halfway through. thats when it all started. she msged me saying that they would be staying there till late. ok. then again she tells me that she would be staying over. wtf. heart sank. took every possible moment to message her. she leaving, i thought. for the day. it seems like an all eternity waiting for her reply. not that she takes long,but its the knowledge that she leaving and that a msg take time to come through. thats the pain. sigh. the good thing was that she did msg for quite awhile. when she reached the check point and enetered Malaysia, thats when the pain started. missed her terribly. now.at night. feel like crying. not messaging her make me feel real empty. without her now. it feels like i lost a great deal of myself. (darling.its the truth. when i saw your message saying dun reply, i felt so..lost la).went home.played ps to get my mind off. dad home. made me go out at 1.45. dental.sigh.one a bad thing.my dentist old acs and bb boy. talked alot. met mom the dad. went to shop. ate at tony romas. food was nice. then another blow came. chrisabel of plmgs msged me saying she will be working with me for games and i was i.c.. wtf. i waws told i would be 2 ic. helping my junior. they turned every thing around. i dont like to plan. when the shit hits the fan, yes i will take the rap for my ppl. i mean.i got enough of planning. planned for camp, eveything. i dont like to take the lead all the time. there are juniors and i want them to learn aedn to take the lead instead of me all the time. besides. my "ic" waws my junior in bb as well. surely i want to see him excel. call me crazy or what not. being able to lead but turning it down. saw acting. put yourself in my shoes, and walk a mile in them. "you will never know how it feels like to be in someones shoes until you walk a mile in them"-
unknown . foiund out have to plan games. f you la prefects. spannering ppl only at the last minute. then get the ppl who got pos in other ccas. always. learn la.
sigh.on the way back in a cab. thats when all hell broke loose. over a small bottle. f***.mom said why i accusing ans territorial. my intonation and voice. i cant control or change that. thats my voice. dont like me? too bad. chase me out whatever. i dont really care right now. the reason i am not going out is because i respect gong gong and po po who told me to tolerate. if not i would have shot my mouth in the cab, causing mayhem. but cus i promised gramps and grams, i didnt. denyse. went off to say things i didnt do. its so fucking obviuos shes in league with dad, and him in hers. protecting each other. how i find that? mom scolded dad, denyse defended him. obvious enough?dad said to be Christ like. you yourself told me. no one can be completely Christ like. now you say the other way. contradiction. went home. close door. stone. think. rot.
didnt message her. felt so..empty. never felt like this before. baby. hope you are enjoying yourself over there hon. then she messaged me. felt that. dont know why also. that really cherred me up. seeing two words. dun reply. threw me back to the state i was in before, and deeper.sigh.hon.you have no idea how much i miss you now. now its confirmed again. i cant do without her. sigh.i really miss her..alone, i think of her.eating.think of her. thinking of her every moment alive.
+[love sick, tired, stressed, sian boi boi]+
Now and forever. always yours baby.love ya loads.
I went off at
11:06 PM
