Saturday, November 22, 2008
There was this boy who was loved by all of his family members. his parents, grandparents, aunties and uncles. he was one who had everything that he wanted. be it a meal of fast food or an item as big as a car. when the time came for him to take up his arms and show that he was a man. from boys to men.
That was what went thorugh everyones mind in his country. on the surface, yes, he was one without a doubt. but. on the inside. he is a boy. a boy who was a total bastard. that fact was not seen by anyone else in his family exepct one on a cold, dark rainy day. there was no one around and he was just going about doing his own stuff. there was a lot on his mind that day. there was laundry to be done, floors to be mopped and housework to be tended to. as he finished his lunch and went online, the door bell rang. looking through the peep hole, the cursed under his breath as he reached for the keys to open the door. he forced a smile on his face as he greeted his grandmother. as the gate opened and she took off her shoes, "please say that you are leaving soon" went through his mind. on the contrary, she went in and placed her bag that went everywhere with her onto the table. He lost his temper and flared up at the loving and caring person who just wanted to see her beloved grandson and ensure that he was safe, well and fed.
Despite the rain and cold blowing winds, she braved them just to deliver his dinner, together with her own. Yet without another thought, he blasted at her with "why did you come today?! didt i tell you that i wanted to be alone?!" she replied "i just wanted to see that you were well and deliver your dinner at the same time" with a chock in her voice, as she took out 2 packets of food. it was only later that he realised that the other packet was meant for her own consumption. "I know that you love me and stuff but i am ok! i am old enough to look after myself! i just wanna be alone so that i can do my things ok?!" with her eyes welling up, she replied with "but i just wanted to see that you were ok.you are my grandson.the one that i love."
Upon seeing the tears in her eyes, he felt a pinch in his heart and cursed at himself. she even replied that she would be leaving now since he didnt want her around. being a guy, he had his ego and said that she should stay till the rain had subsided. as a unselfish act of love, she insisted on leaving giving an excuse that she had things to. Guilt immediately reached into the depths of his heart. imploring her to stay, she reached for her bag and shoes, without even taking an umbrella. seeing that she only had a little paper bag that she claimed would be sheltered with it. as she neared the door, he rushed forward and closed it before rushing to grab the first umbrella he could reach. he had offered to shelter her to the bus stop which she promptly rejected. labeling himself as a bastard already, he opended the door, grabbed his wallet and led the other woman who cared for him the most besides his mother. though the umbrella was small, he sheltered her alone and made sure that she was dry, despite having half of his body getting drenched. they reached the bus stop. she was dry, but though he was wet, he made sure that she did not see the wet part of his body.
Although she had said that she was taking a taxi, she turned around and said it was the bus that she would be taking. Feeling worst off than before, he went forward to hail a cab but was promptly waved away by her. offering her the umbrella, she said no and sent the one boy that she loved with all her heart away. walking back home after a heated, painful and failed persuasion, he cursed at himself for doing what he just did that afternoon. walking in the rain with a closed umbrella in his hand, he cursed himself and scolded him self with tears streaming down his cheeks. he prayed like he never did before for the rain to stop and for the bus to arrive soon. thoughts of her selfish acts of love flashed across his mind as he sat down. looking on the table, he saw 2 packets of food. it then struck him that the second packet was hers. she sacrificed it knowing that there was nothing left to at home. as he ran into the kitchen he saw that the bowl he had used for breakfast was already filled with water, ready to be washed. guilt overwhelmed him as he reached for the phone. and explained the reason for asking her to go home. he did not want her to be troubled by moving around the house as he cleaned it. worst, he did not want her to slip on the wet floor. not letting her hurt show, she said that she understood and praised him for being such a thoughtful boy. however, he knew that what she said was true, but she was hiding her true feelings inside. As he wrote an entry in his diary, wet patches began to form on the page..
yes,the person is me. the biggest bastard person alive. the most selfish person to ever walk this earth. the one person who cannot think properly.
worse than bush. worse than anyone alive. why did i do what i did? was there not a easier way to do things?she was the one who stood by me through everything. she was the one who helped me through the times when i needed it the most. she was the one who came to me with something to brighten up my mood when i was ill. yet. when a simple thought of a visit to see how i was doing ended up as one that would portray hurt. pain. disappointment. and a total and indiscriminant act of self love. wanting only what i want. time. staying up just to ensure that i was home safe was a thought of love. yet it went un-thanked.
I went off at
8:06 PM
Thursday, November 13, 2008
anyone here notices how fast time passes?Its been 4 coming to 5 months since I enlisted..and now, the big O is over for my friends and others =] well.moving on to other stuffs, it just dawned into me that I am going to be passig out from OETI in less than a month! Then it's onto the super ulu sungei gedong ='[ I'm gonna be missing my freedom..yea I know that I wanted to stay in at first but what to do.sigh.2 years leh!!wanna go out also no want Liao.sigh.how sia.presidents man.can do not?I wanna go for it but will my superiors allow not? If they say yes at first but then later they say no I LL suck thumb. Fall sick after guard duty.sian.flu due to rain..no gore tex.
I went off at
10:22 AM
