Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Laying his head on his pillow, millions of things went through his mind. all but 2 thoughts were filtered through his now blank mind.
Her and the road that lay ahead. inspite of all thats happening, things thats going through his head, there was a throbbing pain in both his knee and ankle. the one thing that kept bugging him was connected to the next. will what his next move be affect his future? Afterall, it was what pushed him on when he was down,out and didnt know what to do.
As time and things went on, he began to wonder if what he did was right. if what he did was worth what he was doing and if it was even going anywhere. was it all a one-sided affair? was it going to be reciprocated? or the one thing that he had been toying about in his mind. just fuck it.
In 2 years time, he was leaving the place he calls home for a good 3 to 5 years. Returning only once in a blue moon, contact with his loved once would be over the airwaves and perhaps with the technological advancements, video. in a home away from home, maintaing many things is not going to be easy. know thine enemy and win every battle. how is that possible when you cant even be clear who your ally is? much less your enemy?
2 ways that this could go. the selfish way and the way that was going to hurt. he could just continue the thing he does.hes been doing it to the point that its more or less routine. the second is just to let everything go and take everything as it comes. after all.it does seem like a lost cause to him.
was it a punishment for what he did the year before? the actions he did before that. was it the way he dealt with people? allowing them to be lulled into a false state of emotions before doing the thing that was the worst? perhaps what goes around comes around. if he only he could turn back time, he would take back the words he said and pluck up the courage to say what he wanted to. Chiding himself, he thought. if he DID say what he did. Would things change? would things be a in a better state than they are now? if he had not held back. what would have happened would be what he is seeing right now with another of his friends. was it a good idea? or was it one that he should have just plucked up his courage and went with his heart, not his mind?
As his mind left him for the happy hunting ground, this thought hung on him. just let it go. its better that way.
or is it?
I went off at
11:28 PM
