Thursday, September 24, 2009
Over and over I look in your eyes
you are all I desire
you have captured me
I want to hold you
I want to be close to you
I never want to let go
I wish that this night would never end
I need to know
Could I hold you for for a lifetime
Could I look into your eyes
Could I have this night to share this night together
Could I hold you close beside me
Could I hold you for all time
Could I could I have this kiss forever
Could I could I have this kiss forever, forever
Over and over I've dreamed of this night
Now you're here by my side
You are next to me
I want to hold you and touch you taste you
And make you want no one but me
I wish that this kiss could never end
oh baby please
I don't want any night to go by
Without you by my side
I just want all my days
Spent being next to you
Lived for just loving you
And baby, oh by the way
I went off at
8:33 PM
Was goin thru my aunts food pictures. not the best thing to do at 1 am in the morning when you are hungry. and i decided to make a list of all the food i wanna make before i start school. and yes, thats far away. here goes.
1. mee siam
2. Deep fried fish in sauce [ dunno what yet =] ]
3. Gung pao chicken
4. fu yong egg with sambal kangkong, no not tgt.
5. Gluten with sweet potato porridge
6.marinated pork chops
7. Beef steaks with salt and pepper seasoning
8. FRENCH ONION SOUP with garlic croutons
9. mashed butter potato
10.tuna and sesame dressing salad
11.fried noodles with egg and onions
12.omellete tuna sandwich with melted cheese
13.maggi mee goreng
14. pork/meat ball soup with ketchup and chilli-ed yellow noodles tossed with vinegar =D
15.grilled sasuages with melted enamel cheese with baked beans and garlic toast =D
16. Omellete, baked tomato, black pepper sasuage with a hot cup of chocolate, not instant.
17. Pancakes with a dallop of butter and hash browns and scrambled eggs
18.fried carrot cake!
19. Char kwa teow
20. Cold Pasta
21. Ravioli in beef/pork bolognese
...and many more.
if you want any. just ring me up and i'll gladly scoot over to your place and prepare it fresh for you. and nicer for special people =]
I went off at
1:22 AM
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
well.its been way too long since i last blogged =/ no time i guess. anyways. lots has been happening around here already.
wallaby's a month away. and its for a period of what.3 weeks? and only God knows what will happen in that time. matters of the heart is the worst to think about and yet you cant do without them, evil world eh?
This question has been lingering on my mind for the longest time. Am I too protective of those i love? Regardless of the kind of love we share? Is that a bad thing? is that good? should i continue what i'm doing? is the vibes i'm giving off the right kind of vibes i want others to feel?
and why must everyone put up a false front? and yes you guys know who i am talking about. at times.i think that i just worry too much. why should i care? everyone just takes it the wrong way, and everyone ends up hurt.
Why should i care about you when all you do is just put me down? and yet i still care for you? i'm quite sure you dont know that i even exist anymore. the words you say. the smiles you put and laughter you project. is that your real emotions? everytime i see your name appear, i get a myraid of emotions. Happy-sad, bitter-sweet kind of a feeling. sure. you say these things behind your phone but in person?i dont know what to say or do. honestly.
That was part 1,sadly.
We knew each other for the longest time. and know you turn behind and do this? i mean.come on. the 3 letter word hangs on your your mouth, and yet you do things that are not at all befitting the word.ya sure. you have a priamry weapon and side arm. ever occured to yiou that you will only be using 1 at any given time? you may not even need your side arm if you are good enough. if you cant make up your mind, dont even draw your weapon. please dont make me do what i dont want to do. lest we become enemies and others get hurt in the process. lets all hope then when army comes knocking on our door, we'll all wake up. God speed my friend.
and thats part 2.
I have only what.10 months left? this time last year i was only in OETI starting my training. i've had 14 months since BMT. i'm so looking forward to my ORD. then i'm free. to do whatever i want, when i want. but now the thing is. where am i going? Poly or overseas? there are the pros and cons, as always. if i do poly. i will only spend 1 year overseas. and that will lead me to the question. will i be staying there to work givent he leaps an bounds over the welfare and quality of life there? and am i willing to uproot myself from this place to stay there? i mean. i already have a.no.2 relatives who went there and decided to come back despite the greener grass on the other side.
and the other thing. target in sight. Locked and loaded, awaiting order to fire. should i take the shot? should i be selfish and squeeze the hair pin trigger or hang back and analyze before taking the shot? i mean. its not a fire and forget. i'll be here for another 4 years, 3 years guaranteed. and this will link me back to the first section of my country of residence.sigh. why must it be so complicated? she has a much brighter future ahead of her. and she can get a much better person compared to me. Seriously. I seriously doubt i'm ever good enough for anyone. and yet..
The past catches up with me. looking back.it was always my fault. they say history repeats itself. Once bitten, twice shy. but then again. Failure is an event, not a person. or is it? i dare not take your heart for the fear of breaking it.
God help me.
I went off at
7:43 PM
Friday, August 28, 2009
the sky above, grey and cold
just like you
over and above.
the games you play
the things you say.
whats real or not, i dare not say.
the world we face, the face we place.
the words you say and friendship we gave.
all of which, went into the grave.
whats real or not, you know the best..
i played my part, you put me with the rest.
time thats lost, can never be regained.
"cover up!" they say
we sprint and run. but we're bogged down by the sands of time.
Learn to read between the lines.
there are 2 sides to a line, as there are 2 sides to a story.
What you hear is never always what its meant.
tread lightly and you will not fall.
I just cant take it anymore.
army.
friends.
family.
life.
I just cant take it any more. i want to just want to end it all.
Close my eyes and let the wind take me away.
God.Help me. I'm crying out. but no one hears me.
I can only go on like this for so long.
Its a matter of time before i do what i have been trying to avoid.
Please take me home. I just want to be with you.
away from all this pain and hurt and lone survival.
I went off at
11:28 PM
Monday, August 24, 2009
today.off in lieu. didnt do what i wanted to do.thanks to the ever accurate and ever changing weather report of singapore's weather stations.but one nice thing was that it was a cool 25 this morning. best part? when i went to buy my food. i thought it wont rain. or might hold out till i got home. lo and behold. it poured while i was queuing to get my food. had to go back in the rain. then just lepak the day away. slaps!
I went off at
11:22 PM
Saturday, August 22, 2009
ahh.off days =D got my bike. FINALLY. Specialized hardrock sport. not spelling error =] clocked 130 km so far. haha. but stupid thing is. many injuries too. one was. no. TWO. involved my eh. family jewel. stupid people no eyes to look one i tell you. its a cycling track for crying out loud. and they walk like its their fathers road. left, right left right. cannot brake in time, jam my front brake. and rear. DISC BRAKE. effing efficient. whole bike flew upwards. cue shocked and apologetic pedestrian face. the one i remeber the most. a Indian kid. just ran across the road. jam my brake. the rear of my bike flew.and i mean literally flew up. it reached my head. i flew forward. but thank God the little kiddo was ok. the father was like sorry sorry. was tempted to just Fk him but like.forget it. wont take the pain away. so just went on clutching the eh. ____s. and another was while helping this girl fix her front derailuer. the rear tyre cut my left forearm while i lifted the bike and spun the crank. hurt like shyte. but tahan ah. then she was like. OMG are you ok? like.litereally OMG. cue thankful and guilty face with jealous boyfriend look. yes. they boyfriend was there. tgt with a group of guys trying to jio her.and cue trying to help but dunno what to do yet wanna impress her look and actions. and when i was done she was thank you thank you. just rode off looking garang. reach the end og changi beach, flinch. hahaha. and my presperation on it doesnt make it any better. oh wells. till today the scalp remains.
today. went to meet jag and cycle east coast. while waiting for him. cycled around. helped this ABC girl pick up her hat. she was blading. and she was like. thanks so much. didnt expect it to fly off. and i'm new so i dont know how to brake yet, so embarrasing. i replied no worries.haha.have fun. and rode off. nice accent though. haha. then we cycled east coast and eneded with subway. ohoh. and on my way to ECP there was like this guy racing or rather. trying to race me. fed up. up gear all the way and just voomed past him. then slow down, down gear let him pass and hear him pant. non challantly gear up and cycle past him with the littlest effort. looked back and saw him back away. aleoca vs specialized. not showing off but just to quote my biking buddy " Its like a lancer trying to race and audi!" he was refering to my other buddy's challenge for both quoter and me to a race. on the same strectch of road.
got burnt today =/
I went off at
11:51 PM
Monday, July 20, 2009
The sky is just awesome today. i guess that its a way of making things better for me.Or at least for the moment. Thanks Lord =] the awesomeness is just like how i saw it back in tekong. the lavendar sky and pink clouds. hey. who said that there were no nice scenery when you are down and out?
I guess i'm similiar to some people in many ways. A carbon copy, even. In my perspective, at least. Is it like a sequence or something? like bad, good, bad? i think i know which part of the sequence i am in. oh wells. just gotta take it in my stride i guess. what doesnt take you down only makes you stronger? heh. hope so.
I guess my life is a little like the sky. It seems beautiful at sundown. When everyone finishes what they are supposed to do for the day. the look up and go. "Hey! its a beautiful sky we have today". Unknown to some, its the pollution we spew into the sky that causes this picture perfect scene. Something that is bad actually makes some other appear beautiful. similiar aint it? It appears magnificent on the outside, but dying on the inside. yet people go. WOW. its great. if only everyday could be like this. if only my life was like this. i just gotta say. too much of a good thing can become bad. think about it. if we were to have this beautiful a sky everyday, wont it lose its greatness? it would just be a "oh well. we get it everyday' kind of a thing.
I guess we just have to remember that for every mountain, there is a higher one. For everyone who suffers, there is someone out there who suffers more than you. who are we to complain? but then again. bottling up all inside is difficult. and bad for health too. i just learnt of someones life. sure it wasnt a bed of roses, unapperciated, looked down upon and trampled upon. taken for a ride.heck it sure was not the ride of that persons life. as i was listening i was thinking. hey. its EXACTLY what i'm going through! personality's the same, heck even the career path is going to be the same! and i thought. its the sequence again. i am experiencing it and i can give a person who can be testoment to this. bad,good,bad,great, worst. but oh wells. they say that iron goes through the fire to become steel. question is. will the steel be one of good quality or one that is just thrown aside and smelted again to be reused, IN THE HOPE that it would come out good?
God just has this way of teaching us things. Chanced upon the show The Ramen Girl and i thought. hey. it kinda applies to life too! all the harsh things that are taught to us or made to do actually has a meaning to it. just that when you throw in the towel? thats when you finally understand the plan. It makes you better and prepares you for what is to come. Over-eagerness will only help you to reach your goal, but you will not feel fulfilled and in the process, you'll end up hurting the ones around you, the ones who took the pains to teach you and most of all, the ones who love you. What appears on the outside may not be what is on the inside.
Love is the thing that many people have their own take on. some practise tough love, some are more than eager to show it while others are not, and some are those silent lovers. Some may show that hey i'll love you no matter what may come, others are, you;re on your own babe. which would you prefer? sometimes, you cant have just one kind of love. you need a variety of them. just like ramen. you cant have too much of a single ingredient. you'll spoil the broth. too little and it is bland. Soup dishes are among the most difficult to prepare. you need the stock, the main ingredients, the fire and most of all. your heart. concentrate on too much of one and you will not get what you set out to do. As the consumer, all we get is the end result and the taste. when you eat with your heart, you can feel what the chef is trying to tell you. Eat with your heart and you will understand the person that prepared it.
All i have to say is. Think with your heart and not your mind. Just as my aikido sensei thought me. dont focus too much on your footwork and neglect your hands. dont look down or you will be give your opponent a chance to strike. focus. move with your heart, not your eyes. Close your eyes and move. you will feel the flow. thats what aikido is all about. a perfect harmony of push and pull. give and take. This lesson was learnt when i was taking my brown belt grading. Sure, i failed it the first time around. But armed with the lesson? I breezed throught the second one.Hey, call it cliche, but its true.
Everone deserves a second chance, right?
I went off at
7:27 PM
Friday, July 10, 2009
Why are the people i hold dear to me turn away from me just as i give them my trust? i guess that i am too naive and gullible? is it too much to ask for that you tell me what you are thinking? you tell me that yea you're with me and the next moment you do something in the total opposite? i mean, we were what.friends since barker? we even met everyday. then this? i have nothing else to say. i just pray that God blesses you.
Both my itouch and e51 got stolen. Lord, i know that you are teaching me a lesson. i have neglected you over the material posessions. i have heard you O LORD, forgive me. the things that i am going through. it hurts. alot. my time in the army, everyone sees it as though i am having the time of my life.seriously. its not. i cannot take it anymore. yet i cannot give up at this point of time. just a mere year left. God, i pray not for an easy life, but the strength to go through this phase yet again. i have prayed this prayer before, and this prayer i will pray again. the people that i face in my work place, all at least a few years my senior. all going through the same things. but please dont forget. i came into the army just after i completed my o levels and a little work experience. almost no exprience in life. and i'm thrown into this place to fend for myself. trial by fire i suppose. oh wells. it makes you stronger. thats for sure =]
staying in camp on friday. COS duty. oh wells. hahaha. seeing shane tomorro. cant wait =D
I went off at
7:44 PM
